You might think...

...that at age 48 I would have this relationship thing worked out... or at least be able to handle or deal with it... I'm trying to figure out me and J - haven't heard from her in a while... so I'm gonna be cool and hang out - but when I type those words, why does my stomach get all tight and I lose my train of thought?... drifting off to contemplate and create scenarios for her... using all the what if's and wheres that I can conjure... geez I sound like a teenager... guess I'll change the subject, if I can...

enough